Struggling to think of a good topic for a humorous column this week, I unexpectedly got a major break when my name was – unbelievably – added to a Signal messaging group of top New Zealand government officials. 
      
The texts reveal the magnitude of some of the problems that New Zealand politicians have to deal with.

‘Can I say “marmite sandwiches” or is marmite too polarising?’ said one text from ‘CL’ to the group.

‘Maybe add an apple?’ added, appropriately, the ‘Health Minister’ account.

‘Sounds a bit paternalistic to me. Maybe suggest an apple or a banana and add that the kids should be free to choose,’ came the reply from ‘DS.’

‘We have to take a stand against the people forcing marmite down our throats!!’ added ‘Sir Winston,’ sadly too late.

But ‘Sir Winston’ began a new conversation soon afterwards. ‘200m long, 28m wide, rail decks… These things are going to be beasts!!’ There followed two ‘ship’ emojis.

At first I thought these might be two new badly-needed frigates for the Royal New Zealand Navy, but other texts soon made clear that these were the Cook Strait ferries.

‘And they’ll be designed to reduce carbon emissions!’ someone called PS chimed in, perhaps as a post-script.

‘1500 passengers, 2.4km of lanes for cars, trucks, and rail wagons…and they might even not break down!!’ ‘Sir Winston’ added.

But ‘DS’ wanted to discuss ‘this Paddy Gower thing’ instead. ‘Apparently the Intellectual Property Office turned down his request to make “Is This The F#$%ing News” a trademark.’

And a few moments later, ‘Well, not “Is This The F#$%ing News,” but you catch my drift, and we don’t want this to end up in a New Zealand Initiative Insights
column or something…’

That only got one reply, from ‘Sir Winston.’ ‘Sorry David, but is this the f#$%ing news??’

And it will indubitably be a major news story now after the whole chat history was made available to me, apparently in the belief that I was James Meager.

What have we learnt from this sensational spill? Well, maybe not much. But in a way, the question Sir Winston asked was the right one.

New Zealand’s politicians have some serious decisions ahead of them (let’s not forget those frigates, for one). But comparing this Signal spill with a more dramatic recent leak is a healthy reminder that whatever the problems we face, we still live in a country that isn’t bombing rebels, eyeing up anyone for annexation, or weighing up threats to its democracy.

And maybe, every now and then, we should take that as a lucky signal.